Another child lost

A child dealing with bullying + depression = another child dead. The latest incident in our city happened Sunday night. No way can I wrap my mind around how badly someone must be feeling in order to go through any form of suicide. I can't put myself in their shoes. I just know that something terrible is going on inside their head.

Monday morning, the school district sent out emails and phone calls to families of high school and middle school kids informing us of a student's death. While I listened to the automated phone call, my thoughts were that this child had taken his own life. That's probably because our community went through a suicide just a week prior. The call stated that the child had died earlier that morning in the hospital. No details as to how or why. My thoughts were clouded with this child most of the day. I hoped that he had not chosen death for himself, I hoped something else had chosen his fate.

The phone call said he had two sisters in middle school. Since middle school only has 3 grades (6th-8th) it was a fair assumption that one of the sisters is in Kaelyn's (my daughter) grade. When Kaelyn came home from school later that day, I asked her about it but she hadn't heard anything. A few minutes after talking with her, she got a text from a friend telling her about the boy. The message said he committed suicide because he was bullied for being gay. It's just heartbreaking.

Normally I don't want to know the "how'd they do it" details. Not because I think it will be gruesome or because I don't care. I just think it's disrespectful to be so nosy about the subject. On the other hand, I also think it's human nature to be curious. The details of this incident really disturb me though. The story published in our local paper goes like this: near one of our local high schools (the high school he attended) is an enclosed pedestrian bridge. The street below is busy. Around midnight, he climbed to the top of the pedestrian bridge and jumped. He later died at the hospital.

I don't share this information with you just to share it. I am sharing it because I want you all to know the pain this boy must have been struggling with. Any form of suicide is unthinkable to most of us. To me, public suicides scream a statement. Think about the time it took to climb that bridge, the emotions screeching through him, to feel so empty and worthless then to end it all with a jump. I wonder... did he hope someone would stop him and a happy ending would be had? Did he lose his footing and fall? Or did he have every intention of going out like that?


Please spread the awareness!

Bullying. Who wins?

News that an area girl had taken her own life flooded my Facebook page last Monday. The 13 year old had taken her own life because of bullying. The pain this family must be feeling is unfathomable.

When I read stories like this I can not imagine the pain suffered in order to take these extreme measures. This girl is a year younger than my own daughter. I know kids are mean and these days they have more outlets for their bullying.

When we lived in a smaller town (just 5 minutes from the small town this girl lived in) my daughter experienced bullying from some "cool" kids. While she had plenty of good friends, she did encounter some hassling. Now that we are in a larger city, the bullying is rare. For her anyway.

In the past few years, suicide due to bullying is being talked about more and more. My daughter's school has weekly anti-bullying/self-confidence assemblies. Her and I talk about it from time to time. I was sad to learn that a lot of the students couldn't care less about the weekly discussions and find it to be a waste of time. She told me they often joke about it. Even my daughter feels this way. It makes me wonder where I may have went wrong with her. Is it the immaturity that makes them feel this subject is a waste of time? Or is it because they are not personally feeling the effects of bullying?

When I put myself in the shoes of the bullied kids, I think of them sitting at the anti-bullying/self-confidence assemblies praying that today is the day their bully will "get it" and realize how much it hurts to be bullied.

Unfortunately, it's sad events like this that remind us to discuss bullying with our kids. Just like any other issue, if you're not faced with it on a daily basis, you probably don't think about it often enough.

The family of this girl is strong. It has only been 4 days since her death and already they are standing up and speaking against bullying. They are asking that negatives actions and words not be used against the people bullying their daughter/sister. I don't know that I could be that strong.

On one hand, I want these bullies to pay for their consequences but on another, we need to remember they are young kids, full of hormones and immaturity. I feel a small amount of compassion for the bullies because I imagine they never thought what they were doing would lead to a suicide.

It's important to communicate with kids. There could be kids in our lives that are facing these issues without our knowledge. They may know how to bottle these feelings and may be able to hide the pain. It's our job to protect these kids and guide them. Pay attention to their Facebook and email accounts. Look at their text messages. Ask them blunt questions, pay close attention to their reactions. We do not need an excuse to spy on our kids. Our kids probably will not like it but the bottom line is... their business is our business.

I don't believe bullying will ever stop. All we can do is keep talking about it and make others aware that words can hurt, even kill. We need to listen to our kids, watch for changes in their behavior (both positive and negative).

If you think your child is being bullied or if your child is a bully, take action now. Don't wait until it's too late.


Melissa