Meeting Nicole

A few months after Ella and Ely were born, Nicole from IARC (the agency I use) contacted me about writing up a little something about my experience. This was my first correspondence with her. Soon after that we became email-pals... you know, kind of like when you had a pen-pal in elementary school? We bonded really well and began sharing a lot of our life and everyday stories with one another. Nicole is also a surrogate and delivered twins last October, which made it even more fun to be friends. Two years passed and we still hadn't met in person. Last Friday, we finally met. And guess what? I love talking with her in person just as much as I do through our emails. She's a real cool, funny, and down to earth chick. Hopefully we get to hang out again very soon!

The day has come

I knew the day would eventually be here, but it still kinda sucks. Guy, Dror, Alma, and Leo are leaving this week. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't miss this...

Wow... it's still incredible that they have been here since February. When they arrived, we all assumed they would be here this long, but back then, May seemed so far away. Time is a funny thing.

One year ago in late March, Guy, Dror, Jeremy, and I met for the first time at Olive Garden. Not even one year later, Guy and Dror became parents. To complete the circle, we decided we had to end their stay with a date at Olive Garden.

Then

Now

So until we meet again... I'll think of you every single day and cherish the memories we made.

6 weeks later

It's been 6 weeks since Alma and Leo entered this world. I can't tell you how amazing these two little babies are. They were champs at this "living outside of the uterus" thing. Born at just 31 weeks and 4 days, they reached NICU milestones quick and easily. The longest milestone to reach was feeding from a bottle. This is because most babies don't have the capability of sucking, swallowing, and breathing all at once until about 34/35/36 weeks. At just under 36 weeks, Alma decided she was done with her feeding tube and pulled it out on her own. She never looked back. Soon Leo had his removed too.

On April 14, Alma and Leo were discharged from the NICU! Just one day short of their 5 week birthday. They are now with their daddies 24/7, right where they belong. Guy and Dror are proud daddies! I could watch them talk to and love on those babies all day long.

Last Friday was the court hearing to take care of the legal stuff. All went smoothly as we knew it would. After the hearing we went to lunch to celebrate. It was a great day.

We are getting closer and closer to parting ways. There is no way this day won't be bittersweet. Guy and Dror have been here since February 21. It feels like they should permanent residents now,  but I know they are anxious to get home and begin their new routine. What a journey this has been! It's crazy to think that our original delivery date was April 24 - today.

There are events in our lives that make us wonder why things happen the way they do. Why were Alma and Leo born so early? Guy and Dror have been so amazing and strong throughout the highs and lows. I realize not all IPs would have handled the stress as well as they did. I appreciate them so much for their support and love. Of course, they were concerned by the early arrival of their precious bundles, but on the other hand, as Guy once said, "we feel lucky to have two extra months with our babies."

As for me, I am doing well. I feel almost 100% back to normal, with minor incision pain here and there. My blood pressure is usually within my normal range, but sometimes pops up to a higher reading - not high enough to be concerned though. I pumped milk for the babies, but as they are preparing to leave soon, they slowly shifted to formula. I'm happy I was able to provide them breast milk while they were in the NICU. Since I could no longer care for them inside my body, at least the milk offered some healthy benefits. I've decided to continue pumping and donating it. Pumping every 2-3 hours can be a nuisance, but this is such a good cause I can't pass up the opportunity to continue helping.

This weekend we are doing a small photo shoot. It should be fun! I'll see about sharing a few here on my blog ;)

Alma and Leo

This pregnancy took a surprising twist 1 month ago. The road was full of speed bumps, questions, and decision making. On March 10 we made the decision to move forward with delivery. It was scheduled for 8:00am the following day.


At 6:45am on delivery day, I was escorted to labor and delivery. Guy and Dror by my side. After being in the hospital for 3 weeks, we were a popular trio. While the clock ticked its way to 8:00am, we had a lot of doctors and nurses coming in to greet us.

I was prepped for the OR and wheeled off. I have never had a csection, and surprisingly I wasn't all that nervous. I was in very good hands. The spinal made my blood pressure all wonky which made me feel nauseous. The anesthesiologist did an amazing job getting things under control though. The guys were brought back just as the first cut was made. I have no idea what time it was, I'm guessing it was somewhere around 8:50am. After a few intense minutes, Leo was born at 8:55am and Alma followed just 2 minutes later. The best part... they both came out crying right away. What a beautiful sound!! I think we all breathed a sigh of relief. Leo was taken immediately to the neonatal room just off of the OR and Alma, after a very quick viewing by us, followed her brother. Leo weighed 3.8 lbs and Alma was 5.8 lbs.

We were extremely excited to meet these babies, but we had no idea how they would accept being outside of the womb at just 31 weeks and 4 days. Because of their gestational age we knew without a doubt they would be headed to the NICU. I am happy to report that both Alma and Leo are superbabies. They are doing amazing. I'll write another post about their progress.

As I was getting stitched up, the new dads went off to meet their babies. I wasn't able to witness the moment they first set eyes on Alma and Leo. They stopped back to see me a few times, and gave me updates. The updates I was getting was all positive. I was the first to hear the names chosen for the babies. To see how proud Guy and Dror were of their new daddy status was incredible. These moments are truly indescribable to a surrogate.

We seriously had the best team of MFM doctors. We can not thank them enough for the care and kindness they gave us. A few attended the birth even though it wasn't necessary for them to be there, and they stopped by my postpartum room occasionally just ask how I was doing.

I was moved to a recovery room at some point that morning. This is where I would spend the next 24 hours hooked up to magnesium. I told you about the last time I had magnesium. This stuff is mean and nasty! It's used to reduce the risk of stokes and seizures in women with pre-eclampsia. I'm not being dramatic in saying that I threw up in front of every nurse, doctor and visitor (except one) that entered my room that day. Some of the lucky ones actually witnessed more than one throw up party. It would happen so suddenly I barely had time to react. Thank goodness I received a heavy duty painkiller prior to the csection. I can't imagine how painful that would have been. Another thing was I could not keep my eyes open. Not so much because I was tired, but because they were super sensitive to light, and my lids felt like they weighed about a million pounds. To my visitors that day... I'm sorry. Apparently, I was living on a completely different planet :)

Shortly after getting settled into my recovery room, I had a short visit from the babies before they were transported to the NICU. Unfortunately the visit was cut very short because of how the magnesium was affecting me, but from what I could see they looked perfect.

Healing from a csection is much different then healing from a vaginal delivery. I have never felt so much pain. The first few days were crazy painful even with medication. The best way to describe the incision is a feeling of deep burning from within the belly. It's the nerves fusing back together and it's completely normal. At first I thought I had ripped open part of the incision. Some people elect to have csections. I call these people... insane. Why would anyone put themselves through this pain if it's not necessary.

The thing about pre-eclampsia is that the only cure is delivery. Some women, like myself, are not cured right away. My blood pressure still played games with me. At 2:30am the day I was set to be discharged I was wheeled back to l&d because I needed IV meds to lower my bp. I felt so discouraged and had a mini meltdown. After almost one month in the hospital I was more than ready to go home. I knew this stunt would cause me to stay longer. After getting to l&d and getting hooked up to the IV, it took almost 3 hours to get my bp under control. I stayed in l&d until late afternoon before they allowed me to return to my postpartum room. Finally two days after my initial discharge date I was able to go home.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since Alma and Leo were born. Life is slowly returning to normal for me. My incision can still be unpleasant at times, I'm still on meds for my bp issues, my body is still adjusting to life after surgery, and I'm doing my best at keeping up with producing breastmilk for the babies.

At the wishes of Guy and Dror, I won't be posting any pictures of Alma and Leo today. Once they are released from the NICU, I hope to post a picture or two. As you can imagine, they are little sweethearts and if given the opportunity, you could totally stare at them for hours.

Welcome to our lives, Alma and Leo!

I'm still baking babies

After almost two weeks, I am still on hospitalized bedrest. I was admitted into the hospital for Pre-eclampsia with severe features, and I'll be here until the babies are born. For the first week, it felt like we were walking around with blindfolds on. We just didn't know what to expect, and the situation was making us very antsy. We still don't really know what to expect but I think we've accepted that. We are living in a world of the unknown for now. We've decided to let the pregnancy play out, and wait until something pushes us to deliver.

In the beginning of my bedrest, I worried a lot about my husband and kids. I stay at home with my kids so my husband isn't use to handling the kids' day to day stuff. The routine had completed changed for everyone. It's hard being here when I know I am needed at home. Thankfully, we have family that can help us out.

The hardest part of being on bedrest in the hospital is not being with my kids . They are my life. They are my 24/7 job. It's weird going from being needed by 4 amazing creatures to being taken care of by the nursing staff here.

The good news is that my levels are staying stable. I haven't had any high pressure readings that have landed me back in labor and delivery. I take pills to control my high blood pressure twice a day. I almost feel like I shouldn't be here, but whenever I tell my doctors they say "but you really do need to be here."

We had a growth ultrasound last Monday where we discovered that baby boy has a intrauterine growth restriction. If I understand it correctly, it means that his placenta isn't functioning at 100%. We will have weekly ultrasounds to watch his progress.

The babies are monitored every morning. I usually have it done right after breakfast. I laugh every time with the nurses because baby girl plays hide & seek and dance party USA every single day. Baby boy is such a good little guy. He can be found right away, but we all know his current living quarters don't let him go too far since his sister is taking up much of the space. We joke that when he is born he is going to go into full on stretch out mode. After the nurse finally finds baby girl, monitoring goes well, and the babies do great.

There are good and bad things about being on bedrest in the hospital.

Some of the bad: getting wake-up calls at 5am for blood draws, having to sit in a bed most of the day, having an IV at all times...

I've had four different IV's since I've been here.

Some of the good: someone cooks for me, I'm spoiled by Guy and Dror (they have brought me coffee, chocolate, and a new book), my daughter paints my toenails...

Such a sweet girl

Last Tuesday I was given a walking pass. We have a great pedestrian subway that connects the hospital to many places to eat and shop at. Guy and Dror have been kind enough to take me out of my room most days. I have to ride in a wheelchair, which feels odd. It's so great to bust out of my room though.

Yesterday my daughter came to hang out with me. She pushed me in my wheelchair. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure how she would do but she didn't complain once, and only banged into the wall, door frame and elevator a few times.We visited the public library, a few stores, ate pizza, and then had coffee and dessert. Then we came back to my room and watched a movie. It was an excellent day. I miss her so much and I'm pretty sure she misses me too.

On Friday we reached a big milestone... 30 weeks! Please keep saying a prayer for us and sending positive thoughts. I think it's working!!

Biophysical Profile Test and Preeclampsia

Yesterday we had our first weekly monitoring test. The test was preformed by ultrasound, where the tech watched for movements and breathing. Both babies scored an 8, which is perfect. I was thinking the test would be a bit more invasive, and include being hooked up to machines. But it was simple and fast.

After the ultrasound, I met with my OB. First I had my weight and blood pressure checked by the nurse. The nurse took my blood pressure 3 times. I was thinking maybe she wasn't getting a clear reading. Then she asked if my bp was normally high. My inside voice screamed "NOOOO" but I calmly told her that it's usually low. She was getting a reading of 130/80. She told me to sit tight and she'd recheck in a few minutes. So I sat. I knew it wouldn't show a lower number. I was not feeling high energy or anxious so there were other reasons why my bp was reading higher than normal.

She retested and got a reading of 130/82 every time. Grrr... So babies are doing great, but now we have a blood pressure issue. After talking with my OB for a bit, she sent me to get lab work done. I had a blood draw and a urine test. Later she called to tell me the levels of protein in my urine were higher than they like to see. Nothing major is happening right now. We are still only monitoring the situation. For now the babies and I are being monitored twice a week, and I need to check my blood pressure at home a few times a day.

I wrote this post last Tuesday morning........... things took a wild turn later that day. I'm writing that post now.

28 weeks brings us some concerning news

As surrogate we have this huge ass responsibility of keeping babies safe and as healthy as possible while in utero. We do this by making wise and healthy decisions. As hard as we try to keep ourselves healthy enough to have a successful pregnancy, sometimes concerns arise that we have no control over. Much like the situation we are in now.

Today marks the twins at 28 weeks gestation. Up until yesterday, the babies have been doing great and staying pretty much right on track. I take pride in the fact that my past pregnancies have caused no concerns and ended in the delivery of a healthy, full-term baby/babies. So yesterday when we learned that one twin is much larger than the other... I was feeling disappointed, to say the least. Of course, I should not be disappointed in myself - this is totally out of my control and it was nothing I did. That doesn't stop me from feeling like I should be able to fix it.

During the growth ultrasound yesterday, the tech was very surprised by the difference of sizes. Baby boy (A) is weighing in at just over 2 lbs and baby girl (B) is weighing in at just over 3 lbs. A one pound difference may not seem like a lot, but when you look at their percentiles, baby boy 16% and baby girl 97%, you can see there is quite a difference. Also, baby girl is swimming in a lot of fluid. This is leaving baby boy with a very small living space.

After the ultrasound, I met with my OB. She is such a sweet, gentle lady. She broke the news pretty much immediately that this is a concerning matter and it will require weekly monitoring. The weekly test will be a Biophysical Profile Test, which is much like a Non-stress Test. The seriousness of everything didn't really register with me until my OB said I would need to take 2 doses of steroid shots to mature the lungs of the babies. The first dose was after my glucose test, which was after my OB appointment (and BAM... passed it by 2 points, I'll take it! NO 3 hour test for me!). So I had my first my dose of steroids yesterday and my second today.

Having to take steroid shots leads me to believe we will deliver sooner than our anticipated date of April 24. This bums me out because (1) I was hoping to have a chance to go into labor naturally. Usually one likes to go into labor on their own rather than using drugs to help induce. The chance of a C-section is pretty high too. With 5 pregnancies and 6 babies under my belt... I've never had a C-section. I would much rather deliver naturally, but I am not totally anti C-section. Whatever will be will be. And (2) April 24 is the birthday of a very special person in Guy and Dror's life. It would be fun for her to share her birthday with the twins.

In the end, we just pray for two healthy babies. It's hard on all three of us because everything feels so up in the air. I could go in for testing one day and need an immediate c-section. That means the guys miss out on the birth of their babies. Of course, the most important thing is the safety and health of the babies, but I know how much they would love to watch their babies enter this world.

As all of this news settles, the guys and I have talked a lot (I guess we talk a lot anyway). We are feeling good that all will be okay. They are feeling mostly comfortable and calm... or at least, they play it off very well that they are :) I am feeling optimistic. The hardest part is waiting to hear decisions on a week by week basis. It would be awesome to go in for testing on Monday only to learn Baby girl has slowed down and Baby boy is going through a growth spurt.

Here are some u/s pics:

Baby girl... look how pretty she is!

Baby boy... look how smushed this sweet boy is. That is baby girl's head you see beside his face. It was harder to get a good image of him because of his position.

Recent bump pictures:

Rolling into week 26

We are rocking our way into week 26. These little munchkins are growing like crazy and trying to outdo each other with their kicks and bootie slams (bootie slams = pressing their butts hard into my ribs, sides, organs, etc). They have been busy movin' and groovin'. At the last appointment, the ultrasound showed we definitely have a baby A and baby B. If you remember, our appointment in December showed them competing for the "A" spot. Baby boy was hanging upside down and in first out position while baby girl was chilling head-up in my ribs. I know this has changed again because I can feel a head or a bum where I wasn't feeling it before.

The next appointment is Feb 10. There will be a growth ultrasound, which is always exciting! It's fun to see how much they've grown. I will also have the dreaded glucose test. Fingers crossed I avoid having to do the 3 hour test. I'm not too hopeful though. I've had to take it with almost every pregnancy. The big news... we will schedule an induction date at this appointment too! Doesn't that seem crazy!?! I know the induction date already but I'm not sharing right now because I am not sure if the guys are telling everyone yet.

So how am I feeling? Well, I'm feeling very large! Imagine a beach ball with a head, arms and legs. Yep, that's me. I am a short person with a short torso. Add two babies to that and you get a very round figure.

AND same outfit 25 weeks...

A few weeks before Christmas I started getting a lot of questions about when "my" baby is due: "Must be any day now" "Is your baby coming before or after Christmas". I tell them my due date is May 9 and quickly add "but it's twins so they'll be born before then". The reaction is always the same... silence and a shocked expression. After I let it soak in they usually ask if this is my first pregnancy. I say "no, I have 4 kids". Silence and shocked expression return. 99% of the time I tell them I am a surrogate and carrying these twins for someone else. You probably guessed the reaction is silence and shock. I love it. I always leave these conversations with a smile on a my face.

Happy 2nd Birthday to Ella and Ely

On this day two years ago, Ella entered this world at 4:45am and Ely entered shortly after her at 4:49am. This world is definitely a much better place with them here. So many people love these two and smile everyday simply because of them.

This picture was taken over a year ago. They have grown into beautiful toddlers. Imagine Ella with a gorgeous head of dark curls and Ely with his vibrant red curls. They are full of spirit and energy. They go to a daycare center where they are learning lots and staying very busy. I'd love to be a fly on the wall just to watch them.

Happy Birthday Ella and Ely! I am full of joy to be a part of your lives and feel so fortune that I was given the opportunity to bring you into this world.

Ella

Ely

PS: Ella and Ely... now is the time to start the terrible twos. Your dads have done a nearly perfect job raising you... it's okay to show them some attitudes now and let your sassy personalities shine. Actually it's your job.

Ultrasounds and visits

Ahhh.. what a great week. After lost luggage and many, way too many, hours of no sleep, Guy and Dror arrived in Minnesota last Monday. We arranged to meet up Tuesday for breakfast. I have only met them once in person and that visit was a very quick 3ish hours long. I have to say it feels like we have known each other much longer than 9 months and have hung out many more times than just once. It felt very natural being with them.

Wednesday we walked around the mall. The mall one week before Christmas... yep we're brave like that. Actually it was fine and we didn't encounter any annoying, crazy shoppers. I was hoping to get a picture with Santa but it must have been his lunch time because he was no where to be found. Wednesday evening the guys came over to our house for dinner. My kids were so excited to finally meet them. The two younger kids had already met them but my two older ones had not. The guys are so good with kids and my kids easily fell in love with them. It was fun to watch them together. I'm guessing Guy and Dror are their nieces and nephews favorite uncles. It was even more proof of how wonderful they will be as dads. They even brought gifts for everyone... it was so thoughtful of them. Guy and Dror's parents sent me a lotion, body wash and candle set along with a beautifully written card. The kind gesture was very much appreciated.

Photobombed by the dog

Picture with my boys (my daughter had retreated to her room)

Thursday was the anatomy ultrasound. Big, big day!

Pit stop for coffee

The appointment was full of excitement. As I said before we knew the genders at transferred but I wasn't going to share until Guy and Dror were ready. You are in luck! They are ready to let the world know they will be having one boy and one girl!They are both measuring 20 weeks and 5 days. Baby boy weighs 12oz and Baby girl weighs 13oz. We have two head down babies. I have fingers and toes crossed they stay that way. I know they have plenty of time to move around in all kinds of different positions but in the end let's hope for two head down babies. A funny note... both babies are trying to reach the cervix first. Right now, it could go either way. I didn't even know this was possible. I assumed one baby was always positioned closest to the cervix. The tech named boy as baby A and girl as baby B. She said to not be surprised if that changes. I'm not posting any pictures from this ultrasound because they won't even compare to what I'm about to show you.

During my journey with Roy and Avner, I surprised them with a 4D ultrasound. I knew for sure I would do this for Guy and Dror during this visit. 20 weeks is a little early for 4D ultrasounds just because the babies generally are not quite "looking like babies". The tech said they would probably look like something that resembled half sea monkey half alien ???... lol, alrighty then. No matter to us, we were still way excited to get this awesome look into the womb. I chose the imaging place I used with Ella and Ely. The bonus... they upgraded their equipment. The images before were excellent but the images now are mind blowing! Seriously... so cool. I recommend any pregnant woman get this done.

The appointment was loads of fun. The babies are still fighting for first position. The tech called baby girl A and baby boy B. When I say they are fighting, I mean that literally. At one point, baby girl was hitting her brother in the face while he tried to protect himself with his hands. Another moment captured them telling "secrets". Baby girl had her hands up by her mouth while baby boy looked to be putting his ear to her hands. Such a sweet sweet view. We captured so many sweet and amazing moments. Another showed them cuddling together head to head. Here are a few images from the screening:

Baby girl giving us a smile

Baby girl

Baby boy

Baby boy. Can you see him holding his hand up?

Guy and Dror are madly in love with these babies. They were so happy with their visit and the peeks at their babies. The joy just seeps out of them. We joked they would spend the next few days just starring at the pictures. Only it's not really a joke because I'm sure they really will, I know I would. Later I received this picture:

Maybe it's the hormones, but this absolutely melts my heart and makes my eyes get teary.

After the 4D ultrasound we stood in the parking lot and said our goodbyes. Their visit had come to an end. I feel a little emptiness since we parted ways. I know I'll see them again very soon but the puzzle feels complete when they are around. It's very similar to how I felt when Roy and Avner left after our transfer in 2011. It's all part of this process. After dinner on Wednesday night, Guy said how happy they were to be here this week. They really struggled with not being able to attend the transfer and I was bummed by that too. But given the choice between attending transfer or the 20 week ultrasound, we all agreed how fantastic this week was and how happy we are that it could happen.

Almost 15 weeks

We are sailing right along to 15 weeks. Babies are growing and growing and so is the bump. I wish I could say my bump is all babies but it's not. Once a person has been pregnant so many times, in my case 6, your body just knows what to do, it gets a little cocky and starts taking shape much sooner. I'd say my true bump is about half the size of this. But anyway who's measuring... there is a bump and I'm diggin' it.

I know you didn't stop by just to hear about or see the bump. You want babies, am I right? You are in luck. Today was an OB appointment. It was quick and painless. Most importantly, we had a sneak peek at the babies. My OB uses a portable machine at every appointment. I love it.

As soon as the OB prepped me for the u/s I could feel the little sweeties gearing up for their performance. Sure enough they were tapping toes during the u/s. Baby B more so than Baby A. Baby A was busy either checking out or sucking on his/her thumb. Speaking of his/her, he/she... isn't fun that I know the genders of both babies and most of you don't. Hahaha! Yes, I'm evil. I just hope I don't slip up before Guy and Dror are ready to tell. It could be such an easy slip especially lately since my brain isn't functioning at its full capacity.

Both babies are growing well. Both heartbeats were around 170. My OB didn't measure them but it's noticeable they have grown.

Baby A (hand by face)

Baby B chillin' (for only a moment though)

OB said these are the babies faces... (?)

Babies are positioned head to head. Baby A, you know the one that comes out first, yeah he/she is feet down. If baby A is in a breech or transverse position at birth, it's an automatic C-Section. It's way too early to worry though. Baby B is head down. So the babies heads are right on top of each other. And they are really close!

In other super exciting news, Guy and Dror will be here in 5 weeks! I think we are all just a little bit anxious for Dec 16 to get here. Even more so for Dec 19. Why? That's the biggie ultrasound. It will be amazing to see the guys experience the ultrasound face to face. We will also meet with my OB and take a tour of the hospital. They plan to be here before the birth but I figure we may as well do it now just in case things get wild at the end of the pregnancy.

12/13 weeks

Last Wednesday marked us at 12 weeks. (Side note:When I was pregnant with my own children I would say "we/us" too. My husband was just as much part of the milestones during pregnancy as I was. I also feel this way about the IPs. So I say "we/us". I know some people roll their eyes to that... boo to you.)

Thursday we had a nuchal translucency screening. This screening helps detect birth defects. It involves an ultrasound where the tech measures fluid on the back of the fetuses necks. I was determined to have the guys on Facetime to witness this ultrasound. Up until now I've only had transvaginal ultrasounds (don't be jealous) and since they were monitoring appointments through a satellite location the guys weren't allowed to watch via Facetime/Skype. Annoying, I know. But the wait was ABSOLUTELY worth it.

At the last monitoring ultrasound (at 10 weeks), I could see the babies moving. That in itself is such a fun and amazing thing to watch. I knew the guys would be happy to hear this but bummed they couldn't witness it. So back to Thursday's u/s, the tech allowed us to do Facetime and was so terrific about pointing things out on the screen. Right away we could see the babies moving. It was a perfect ultrasound. As I held the phone up to the machine I watched the guys watch their babies in live-mode for the first time. Their reactions, smiles and excitement was more than I could have imagined. It's one of the moments during a surrogate's pregnancy that words really can't describe. The joy, the love, the I-can't-believe-I'm-privileged-enough-to-do-this and so many other emotions.

As for me physically, I am feeling much better. The nausea and exhaustion were crazy for awhile. I stopped all medication almost two weeks. What a relief. I'm so happy we have this medication in order to allow surrogacy as an option but after many weeks, months of shots every day... it's good to be done. My cravings are different weekly. Pizza, soup, pretty much anything Italian, blue raspberry Icees, gravy and mashed potatoes (babies are prepping for Thansgiving), now I'm back to chicken noodle soup and Italian. My cravings have never been this all over the board and strong. The Icees were a problem for a few days. There are only a few places in Rochester that have an Icee machine. Imagine driving to one of those places and having a red blinking light on the machine... broken. Not cool.

My belly is noticeably a bump now. Thank goodness! It's tough going through those few weeks of "is she pregnant or did she eat too much at lunch" phase.

Here I am at 9 weeks

13 weeks (actually 12 weeks 6 days) two different views

9 Weeks

I'm taking a break from the morning sickness train to give a update.

I had some spotting a few weeks ago which freaked me out because I never had any bleeding whatsoever in my past 5 pregnancies. The bleeding was very light and I had no cramping so I wasn't too concerned but it lasted most of the day and that warranted some "what-ifs". Dr. S instructed me to take an extra shot of progesterone and rest. I was happy to oblige. Jeremy already had plans to take the boys to his parents so I had a whole day of peace and quiet. With 3 crazy boys, life is rarely quiet when they are around. The following day I had my 2nd ultrasound and the tech found two babies and two strong heartbeats right away. I'm happy to say I've had no bleeding since then.

Today I had my 3rd ultrasound. Another great report. Two babies, two strong heartbeats. The babies were noticeably bigger this week. Crazy what a week and 2 days will do.

As for how I'm feeling... it really depends on the day, but mostly I'm way tired (more tired than I remember being with Ella and Ely). I have days I should hire a personal motivational speaker to get me off the couch or to get me moving so I can get lunch ready for my boys. I'm so lucky to work out of my home. Not sure how I would function working outside the home. Morning sickness... imagine having a nagging hangover for days and weeks and months. That pretty much sums it up. Every morning I wake up feeling like the previous night was spent filling up on wine and managing to get only 3 hours of sleep. Every day, all day long... that's how I feel. I'm not complaining, just explaining.

I'm not really showing yet. I'm puffing out but I blame that on the medication and bloating. Speaking of medications, can we be done already?!? I only have about 2 weeks left. That's not so bad. I will be happy to drop them though.

Beta results are in!

At 13dpt, my beta is 3278! That's pregnant... like very, very pregnant! Like pregnant with twins pregnant! Watch out world, we gotta pregnant lady over here!


Telling the IPs the beta results is one thing about my first journey I wish we could have done differently. When we received the results, Avner was working a night shift and not available. It would have been nice to give the news to both Roy and Avner at the same time. But in the end the news was shared and both daddies were pumped to become fathers.

For this second journey, it was important to me that I tell both Guy and Dror together and that we did so over Skype. Even before the transfer had taken place, I could not wait for the moment I would tell them the good news (optimistic much?). I was looking for a fun way to tell them the exciting news. My idea was to show them a positive hpt via Skype. Immediately after getting my blood drawn I went to Target and bought a hpt. Came home and immediately took the test. Because of the way I have been feeling, I was not surprised to see "pregnant" show up not even 2 minutes into the test.

That idea flopped though. My blood work needed to be redone later in the day because not enough blood was collected during the first draw. By the time we received the results (a little more than 24 hours later) the digital had wiped clean. Sure, I could have taken the remaining test but I decided this sign would be just as fun:

Telling Guy and Dror this news was ahhhhh-mazing! I can't even tell you how amazing it was to watch their reactions. I only showed them "congratulations daddies" at first. After witnessing their pure joy, I said "wait there's more" and that's when I showed the last line "it's twins". I keep replaying it in my head. Having the privilege of telling them they are going to be parents is such an indescribable feeling.

So many hearts are happy today!

So the pressure of the 2ww is done and over with! Now we move on to waiting for the first ultrasound which should be in about two weeks.

**I should add that of course we don't know for sure that it's twins, but with that high of a beta it's safe to assume so.

Shots and puppies

We are headed in the right direction and all arrows point to an August 21/22 transfer. Whoa... is that like less than two weeks from now?!? Yep, it really really is. We are close. So close we can almost feel it. I feel like maybe I should knock on wood for saying everything is going great. A little like I'm being overconfident and getting a little too big for my britches, but I think this is going to happen as scheduled. My lining is getting its "fluff" on and the egg donor, from what I understand, is right on track.

Last Thursday I was given the go ahead to start Delestrogen. If you remember, this is one of the honkin' big shots. And by honkin' big, I mean a needle almost as long as my pinkie finger. This mother has to be injected all the way into my thigh or upper tush. Currently I'm taking it in my thigh.

I swear this photo doesn't capture the true intimidation rolling off this needle. It's much bigger/longer than it appears.

So far I have been able to give myself the shots. I only gave myself Lupron shots during my first journey and had Jeremy give me the two long needle shots. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for getting over the anxiety of it. I'm giving myself pep talks and listening to "We are the champions" while I ice the area I'm about to inject. Okay not really but it sounds fun so maybe I'll start.

I had my third monitoring appointment today and am waiting to hear if everything looks great. I could see on the screen that my uterus is cooperating, but I'll hear from IVF soon to verify it looks as good as it should. Fingers crossed!



In other news... IT'S A BOY!

Bernard the pup

I know many of you have already heard Bernie's story but I thought I would share it again here on my blog. Bernie is a 3 month old rescue pup. About a month ago my daughter went to South Dakota on a church mission trip. She called me a few days into the trip to tell me about the crazy number of stray dogs. Now, I'm sure there were quite a few stray dogs but you know the mind of a teenager... she made it seem there were thousands. One pup in particular caught her eye and stole her heart. This pup was living around the house the youth group was restoring. He was staying there with his mama and two siblings. The mama had an owner but they weren't interested in keeping the pups. Another youth group member's mom operates a no-kill rescue organization in our city and agreed to find a foster home for the pups until they could be adopted.

We weren't sure we were really ready for another dog, especially a puppy. We already have a chocolate lab and 4 kids running around our chaotic house. But I knew Kaelyn's love for this puppy was strong and she's at an age where she can really take care of a pup. Without Kaelyn's acknowledge, I began the adoption process. On the night we went to pick him up the kids were all fired up about the "secret family mission" I had been talking about for two days. The kids had tons of ideas as to what we would be doing on the mission, but my favorite was one of the last ideas they came up with. "Are we getting shots?!?!" I laugh at this because in order to get a few of them their flu shots we need to trick them into the car. I told them I would never hype up the mission this much if it were shots. I'm not that cruel.

We walked into PetSmart, where the adoption was taking place, and Kaelyn found out very quickly what was happening. Not surprisingly, there were tears and giggles. Bernie and Kaelyn were reunited and it was such a happy moment.

A girl and her pup

Special delivery!

Mr. Fed Ex stopped by today with my goodie box.


I'm gonna need a larger medicine cabinet!

The goodie box included:

14 day supply of Leuprolide (Lupron)
32 Vivelle patches
5 different oral medications
2 vials of Delestrogen
4 vials of Progesterone Oil (I think I needed more last time)
Bag and bags of alcohol wipes and needles... oh lord, so many many needles! Large pointy, sticky needles.


First monitoring appointment is scheduled for July 22.

Let the good times roll!

Just drifting....

Summer is slowly sliding by and we are waiting oh so patiently to hear news of an estimated transfer date. A new egg donor was found quickly, but the paperwork and bloodwork take time. We are aiming for an August transfer, but I'm not sure we'll make it. I haven't received word to start birth control pills and baby aspirin. I'll take those meds for a few weeks before starting Lupron and then a few weeks after starting Lupron, the hardcore meds start. I estimate a good 5 or 6 weeks of meds before transfer even happens.

Moving transfer back another month or more makes me nervous for a couple of reasons:

A) school starts in September and I don't want to miss my kids' first few days of school. Also, with school starting, childcare will get a little tricky while Jeremy and I go to CA for transfer. No doubt we'll have help, but it will be a little different than we hoped.

B) this reason is huge... literally. I do not want to be pregnant during the summer. Being just-pregnant during the summer months is one thing, but being 8/9 months pregnant (with twins, fingers crossed) is something completely different. No thank you! Call me a poor sport, a wimp or whatever. Summer is busy for us. Kids need to be on the go or they lose their minds and start crashing through walls and dancing on the ceiling. Chasing my kids and daycare kids outside in 90F temps while being the size of a beluga whale isn't my idea of a good time. And let's not even get into the swelling of ankles topic.

C) lastly, I'm just ready already! I am excited to get this show on the road. I like schedules and structure. Just to know an estimated transfer date will calm me.

I talked to Guy and Dror this morning. They are thinking we will hear more from IVF by Wednesday. I'm hoping so! We have a Skype date tomorrow, very much looking forward to that.


In other news, Ella and Ely are doing amazing! They have this ability of making their daddies fall in love with them over and over again. They get cuter and cuter everyday. I get pictures through iCloud quite often and every single picture brings a smile to my face and causes my heart to skip a beat or two. Out of respect I am no longer sharing their pictures here on my blog (insert big sad face). Honestly, I was lucky to have shared the pictures I did. Neither Roy or Avner have shared the kids' pictures on a social media/public site. Ever. They share only in private albums. They are doing what they can to protect their kids and I understand that.

Snags

Unless you are snagging an awesome deal at a department store or snagging a dream job, snags are not especially great. Snags in a sweater, snags in a plan... not great. They are often times frustrating, unexpected and unwelcomed little doings. 

Our snag: the egg donor has decided she can not commit. The news came late last week. I was on schedule to start my meds yesterday. We had a plan already in place. We were all hopeful for a mid-July transfer.

Transfer will likely be pushed back now. I'm okay with a short delay, but I do feel bad for Dror and Guy. They, much like all IP's, are ecstatic about being parents. The sooner the better. I imagine the IVF process can feel a bit like chasing a runaway balloon. If you lose your grip on even a small part of it, the dream could float away forever. Dror and Guy have already had a few bumps in the IVF road. It's emotionally hard to go through these disappointments. It makes the process stressful and leaves IPs questioning if and when they'll be holding a child of their own.

Luckily this snag can be resolved by find another egg donor. It's not something so drastic that it will put an end to their dreams of becoming parents. But it is a big deal. I mean, it is the other half of their future children.

I will know more throughout the next few weeks, but in the meantime, (yes, I'm asking again) please send positive vibes!

May 17!

May 17 is quickly approaching. Can anyone guess why this date is exciting? Yes, it's a Friday and we all LOVE Fridays, but it's also a big(ish) day for my second journey. Not "transfer" big though. We aren't transferring that day, but I am headed to the IVF office. Dr S. needs to take a gander at my baby oven and make sure all is good to go. I have no reason to believe the "oven" is not in tip top condition, but unfortunately there is always room for those dreaded what-ifs. However, I push those what-ifs out of my head just as quickly as they come in. Only positive thoughts are welcome to hang around.

So off I go to CA for a day trip. I fly out just as the sun is rising and I return after the sun has gone to bed. It's going to be a long day. I enjoy flying, but 4 different flights in one day is a little much. No chance I can sleep on the plane. (I couldn't even sleep during the long flight home from Tel Aviv last November. Talk about a glassy eyed, delirious woman by the time I landed in Minneapolis.) The quiet will be nice though. I'll definitely soak that up. It's exciting to think this trip brings us that much closer to transfer day.

Now... does anyone know what happens after the May 17th screening? Bingo... the start of meds. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. Have you seen the size of the needles? You just wait, I'll be sure to share a picture for those who haven't experienced it yet. All joking aside, the shots are totally worth the annoyance they cause. If the end result is a healthy baby (in our case 2 healthy babies), I'm all for the temporary pain.

As for the IPs, Guy and Dror - they are doing well. Excitement, happiness and anticipation are just a few of the emotions they are experiencing. I think we would all like to fast forward to the end of the 2ww (2 week wait), which will be sometime in July. Actually, I take that back... I love the anticipation of each new phase... the transfer, the 2ww and finally delivery. I'm good not having a fast forward button. It's all so exciting!

P.S.  Imagine this coincidence... May 17, 2011 was the transfer date of my first surrogacy. Craziness or what?!?! Speaking of which, I know a few loyal readers/friends are wanting some updated pictures. I'll work on that!

A confession of a surrogate

I had a feeling even while I was pregnant with the twins that I wanted to do this again and again and again. I can not think of much that feels more rewarding than surrogacy. There's something a little addicting about it. Could it be the joy of watching someone become a parent or maybe it's the amazement of bringing a child into this world? It's both. The look of love in the parents' eyes as they hold their newborn baby and knowing you helped make it all happen, you can't compare anything to that. The act of bringing a human being into this world, you really can't compare anything to that either.

So with all this goodness, what could be holding me back from doing another journey? I absolutely love being pregnant, it's the best babysitting job I have ever had, sweet little babies are involved, I met and created a bond like no other with Roy and Avner.... oh there it is! Roy and Avner.

I know I've said this so many times, but you'll have to just settle down and hear it again. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would create such a special bond with the IPs (Intended Parents). More so due to the fact that they wouldn't want a relationship with me. 

It happens to be quite the opposite. We have formed a very special relationship. A very unique relationship. I don't have this kind of bond with anyone else. With that being said, I have some feelings that I am sorting through. I'm close to sorting it out. In fact, just writing about it seems to take a load off.

Here's a little peek into my thoughts...

After having a first child, a lot of us daydream of having more. When the time comes we feel we are ready for a second child, we usually go through emotional times and wonder how on earth we could love another child as much as our first? How could there possibly be more room in our hearts for another child? Then this outrageously guilty thought crosses our mind... what if my first child feels betrayed or that we don't love them as much as we did before?

As silly as it may sound, this is quite similar to what I have been feeling. How could a 2nd journey even compare to my 1st? Is there room within me to create another special bond with a new couple? And then OMG, what if Roy and Avner decide our bond isn't as special anymore and we slowly cut off communication? I would be so saddened by that. Now obviously they have never given me reason to think this would happen. It's more of an irrational thought, but it's a thought I've entertained.

Believe me, I tried and tried to convince R&A to have another baby. So far I'm not doing a terrific job at that. They have 1 year old twins... do you blame them for not being ready?

While they may not be ready, I feel like I am. Taking my age into consideration, I don't have a ton of time left. Yes, some surrogates do this well into their 40's. I'm not so certain I will be one of them. I'm slowly making my way to 37 and feel like I should be retiring my uterus within the next 3 or 4 years. It's done a darn good job of growing 6 children and I think it is capable of handling at least one more round of pregnancy.




 There are still a few things I need to sort out, but I am fairly certain you'll be hearing more about my final decision within the next few months. In the meantime, feel free to send positive vibes and thoughts my way.