October 24, 2011

My surprise for the daddies

Many months ago, I decided that I wanted to surprise the guys with a 3d/4d ultrasound. I worked with the agency to be sure that I could do this without the guys knowing. I had done research on businesses that provide these services when I was pregnant with my last baby. Unfortunately, time got away from us and we didn't have the u/s. I figured having the elective 3d/4d ultrasound this pregnancy would be something fun for me and give the guys something they could treasure until their babies are here (and after). The package I chose included printed pictures along with a CD of images and a DVD of the ultrasound.

After I scheduled the appointment, I received an email informing me that this company has something called SonoStream. It allows anyone I invite via email to view the ultrasound as it is happening. I was thrilled to learn this. This meant I could tell the guys and they could watch the ultrasound live on their computer. About a week before the appointment, I told them and we all eagerly awaited the appointment.

The day of the appointment finally arrived. Jeremy and I arrived at the office where the ultrasound would be taking place right on time. I filled out some paperwork and headed back to the exam room. These rooms are very comfortable and allow for many people to be in the room. There is a comfortable bed with a huge screen directly in front of it. I called the guys and we attempted to get things started. The guys logged on to view the screening... only it didn't work! I hoped that it was just a delay and that they would be able to join the screening very shortly... didn't happen. I felt so bad that I was able to view the ultrasound and they were only able to listen. This was one reason I debated (briefly) telling the guys. I didn't want to get them excited about something and have it not work out. So, in that respect it was a HUGE let down.

The ultrasound was wonderful, though. The technician explained how it would work. It starts out as a 2d ultrasound and he double checked genders. Very clearly, Twin A is still a baby girl and Twin B is still a baby boy. The 3d/4d part was a little different than I expected. It is kind of hard to recognize what is on the screen. But it's a big "awww" feeling when you can actually make out what you are seeing... a hand, arm or face. The arms and hands were always quite visible when they were on the screen. Yes, these two were busy yet again during the ultrasound. Baby girl was stealing the show! She was not afraid to show us her precious little face. It took awhile to get a good view of baby boy's face but it was worth the patience because he is just as adorable as his sister. Baby boy has a lot of cord around his face making it difficult to get a clear peek. Baby girl is actually hanging out slightly on top of baby boy, kind of like he is hiding behind her. When we started the ultrasound, we could see that their heads/faces were nestled together, it was very sweet

The guys did eventually (the next day) get the link to work properly and were able to view the ultrasound. It still disappoints me that they were not able to view the ultrasound live. I was looking forward to hearing their responses to seeing their babies.

Here are some pictures. Enjoy :)

Baby girl (baby boy's head by her right cheek)

Baby girl - she was busy opening and closing her mouth

Baby girl - back to resting. See her sweet little face nestled up to baby boy's head?

Baby boy... took awhile but we finally got a clear picture of him

Baby boy with his fists up by his face

Baby boy just chillin'
 I told you it would be a fun post!?!


October 17, 2011

This and that (a little heavy)

I met with a friend for ice cream last week. We don't get together nearly as often as I would like but I'll take what I can get. We talked a lot about the surrogacy but that wasn't the entire conversation. One thing that came up about surrogacy was how the babies, once they are older, will feel about how they were conceived. I don't know how the daddies-to-be will handle this conversation. We discussed the egg donor and wondered if the babies will eventually have a need to want to meet her. And then we discussed how the babies would feel about me. Will they feel a connection to me? I really don't know about this. As my friend put it "what am I (babies) supposed to feel toward this person" (as in me and/or the egg donor). Well, I don't expect them to have a lifelong connection to me. But, I have never been through this before so I just don't know how it will be. If they have a connection and want to be part of my life (via long distance), I would definitely welcome that. I have said before the guys live quite a distant from me so staying in contact will be a challenge. We don't talk everyday but I think about them everyday and I am pretty sure they think about me/babies everyday. I do know that once the babies are here and the daddies return home that their lives will be busy... their lives will change dramatically! Now, we all know how easy it is to lose contact with people once our lives change in such dramatic ways. I have friends that live in the same town as me and we never see each other. My best guess is that there will always be some sort of bond between the daddies and myself but contact will be not very frequent. We'll just have to see where this road leads us.

Another topic my friend and I discussed was the "This is it" theory. You know, if you're going to do something, do it now... now is the time, this is it. If you have a desire to do something, now is the time, this is it. Pretty much, what are you waiting for? Today could be the last day you have to do whatever it is you dream about. I've thought about this a lot. What had actually pushed me to finally act on goals I've had? Within the last year and a half, I have gone after 2 dreams. One, being a surrogate and two, becoming a photographer. So, what was it that pushed me? Well, the answer that comes to me is this... about 6 years ago, I lost my grandma. She meant the world to me. She plays a part in many of my treasured childhood memories. Since her death, my life has never been the same. I still think about her almost daily and hate that she was taken from me. I know death is a part of life but she was cheated. She died from Alzheimer's. I have a hard time understanding why such a truly wonderful person had to suffer with this disgusting disease. Moving forward, almost exactly 3 years ago, I was at the bedside of my childhood best friend when she died. Watching someones life escape them is beyond words for me. Two others friends were there as well as my childhood friend's parents. Losing someone is hard but watching someone lose their child is extremely painful. I left their house hoping that what I had just witnessed wasn't real, that in the morning I would wake up from this dream. I still about Jessica very often. We had known each other since the age of 5, we were best friends through elementary school and most of high school. We grew apart as time went on and lost contact for a few years. When she got sick, I contacted her and our visits were here and there. She died from Neurofibromatosis. She kept high spirits throughout her illness and often put others' needs in front of her own. Her illness confined her to a wheelchair for years yet her desires to be independent were very strong. Moving forward again, a little less than 3 months after Jessica's death, my grandpa passed away. This is the grandpa to my grandma that passed earlier. Since her death, he had never been the same. In a lot of ways, I think he gave up and was ready to go be with her. When he was really sick, he made comments to my mom like "why can't I just go". He, like my grandma, was a huge part of my life and I loved him so much! After my grandma passed away, I watched him slowly die both inside and out. He had no desires to be here anymore. My brother and I made it to the hospital literally minutes after he died. If I hadn't stopped for a cup of coffee, we would have been there when he passed. He had been in and out of the hospital for months so we knew it was coming, we just didn't know when. Honestly, I was relieved to not be there. Having just watched Jessica die a few months before, I was not ready to watch another person die, especially my grandpa.

Whew... deep breath. After these events in my life, I slowly began to realize life is too short to keep saying "maybe tomorrow I'll look into accomplishing that dream". While I have other dreams to accomplish, I think I am off to a good start. The two lifelong dreams I am working on right now are pretty big. I am proud of myself for going after them and look forward to seeing where they go. I encourage you to do the same.

I read in the news today that Giuliana Rancic has breast cancer. For those that don't know her, she is a TV Host on E! News. She also stars in a reality show with her husband. I have followed her story a little bit. Her and her husband have had trouble conceiving a baby. They remain childless today. Before starting their next round of IVF (having 2 failed rounds, I believe), Giuliana's doctor recommended a mammogram. She figured she would wait until she was 40 years old (she is 37 now) to have her first mammogram but she took her doctor's advice and went forth with the test. Imagine her shock when the results showed she has cancer. I was very saddened to read about this. Hasn't she been through enough?!? She is lucky to have had it detected early. This will push back her next round of IVF by quite a bit. I am just sad for her.

Sorry if my posts seem a little heavy lately. I have a lot on my mind. This blog is a nice outlet for me. My next post will be something fun and exciting... I am not telling you but trust me, you'll enjoy it.


October 14, 2011

Not much is new

Not much to update lately. We are still chugging along and growing two babies. I have been feeling well and getting around just fine. I have noticed that I am starting to get much clumsier... which doesn't seem possible because I am naturally clumsy enough. I find I am constantly dropping things. When I feel something dropping it's like a slow motion "nooooooooooo". This is where having kids is helpful. If they are near, I ask them to pick it up.

We are at 25 weeks. This week the babies are working on developing their lungs. They still need plenty of time before they will be developed enough to breathe on their own but they are off to a good start. Up until now, their nostrils have been plugged but that is not so anymore. As they become unplugged, it allows the babies to practice breathing. Also, this week the babies are turning pinker. Tiny capillaries are forming under their skin and filling up with blood.

I plan on taking some maternity pictures soon. I want to do it before I get too big. I just haven't found enough time to get them done. Once I get them done, I will share them with you. I am an aspiring photographer and I plan to do them myself.... one word... challenging. I enjoy a challenge, though.

Take care friends!


October 07, 2011

My last appointment

At my appointment last week, I was able to see a new doctor. I am not very picky about doctors but was a little put off by the last few that examined me. The original OB we started with decided to move mainly to the GYN department so I was left to find a new doctor. The first one we tried was in a big hurry and just gave me a not-so-important feeling. Not that I need someone to bow down to me but don't make me feel like I am holding you back from something. The second doctor was fine but she was very laid back, almost too much, in my opinion. Finally, at this last appointment we found someone we will stick with. She has a very gentle nature, which I liked very much.

The appointment was just a normal check-up to be sure everything is on track. I think I have mentioned this before, we have a portable ultrasound at every appointment so they can be sure to record both of the babies' heart rates. With a Doppler, it's kind of a guessing game as to which baby you are hearing. Anywho, all checked out fine and the babies are doing great. The only issue that came up was my heart rate. I have been noticing some irregular heartbeats. My heartbeats become very hard and fast once in awhile. I was put on a Holter monitor for 24 hours and the results came back a-okay.

My next appointment is at the end of October. I will be 25 weeks. Once I hit 28 weeks, we will start having ultrasounds (not portable) every 3 weeks to check on the growth development. I am excited about that, it's so fun peeking in on them.

We confirmed that induction will happen at 38 weeks. A natural delivery will be possible as long as Twin A is head down. Please keep your fingers crossed she will be head down... I really want to avoid a C-Section.

One thing I wonder about is the intensity of labor with twins. I do not have epidurals simply because I would rather deal with the pain than to have someone stick a needle into my back and I don't want to deal with side effects. Also, I would hate for it to slow up delivery. My plan is to not have a epi with this delivery either.

Regarding my last post, I have decided to work on my patience. I always feel like I am in the fast lane (having 4 kids will do this) and that everything should be done in a timely manner (or shall I say, when I want it done, ha!). Being this way, I find that I miss out on some opportunities with my kids.

Take care friends!


October 03, 2011

A "not baby related" post

Do you ever think to yourself "I wish I was a better human being"? You know that old saying "treat others the way you want to be treated", how many people actually live their lives this way? My guess... not many. As for myself, I wish I was a better person. I can be selfish, judgemental and mean to those I love at times. This is why the sermon my awesome pastor (Pastor Paul) preached really hit home yesterday. He talked about the "one hour Christian". The type of person that is Christian-like while at church but goes home to be someone different. I can relate to that. When I am at church, I can feel the power of Pastor Paul's messages and it usually always speaks to me, like the message is directed toward me. Makes me want to be a better person. But several hours later or the next day I return to my usual ways. By no means, is that a truly terrible thing but I know I can be a better person. Some days I just don't how to get there.

Pastor Paul talked about how we need to love within before we can love others. Do you love yourself? I can say I do love myself but sometimes I don't like myself. Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if everyone loved themselves and treated all others the way they wanted to be treated? Well, I think we all know this will never happen. Our society is full opinionated and selfish people. It causes wars, divorces, murders. What's the purpose for this or the reason? Who really wins in the end?

After I left church, I decided to challenge myself to improve one thing about myself. I am still deciding on what to improve. I don't want it to be something too huge. I am just going to take baby steps. I hope everyone reading this doesn't think I am completely dogging myself and dragging myself through the mud. It's not like that at all. I just see there is room for me to make a few adjustments/improvements. I only have this one life, when it's over I don't get a do-over.

Are you brave enough to take on this challenge, to look at your downfalls and strive to make yourself a better person? If so, I challenge you. No, I double dog dare you to improve one not-so-good quality about yourself. Don't start too big, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Start small and work your way up. This isn't all about being a good Christian, either. It about being a better person for yourself, your spouse, your kids, whoever. If you know you are the best you can be, you can't go wrong, can you?

One day at a time, people! Good luck!