January 25, 2012

The hospital stay

It has been brought to my attention that I didn't tell you anything about our hospital stay after the babies were born. I'll keep it short and sweet... maybe. I sometimes try to keep some of my posts short but I often end up babbling.

I'll do my best to describe my feelings. I've told you that I have not felt any sort of maternal bond to the babies. Don't get me wrong, I care very much for the babies and have a bond to them but it's not maternal. I didn't have a strong urge to hold them after they were born or to comfort their cries. Geesh... that sounds horrible, I feel a little insensitive saying it but it's true. I didn't have the feelings I had when my kids were born. While I was excited to see them and meet them, I was more excited to see Roy and Avner with their new babies. This is very hard for some people to understand. My husband explains it this way... it's like your best friend's baby. You care for him or her, even love him or her but know it's not your place to care or tend to the child.

After the babies were brought into the recovery room, I didn't get in the way of Roy and Avner. I was extremely tired so I remember dozing off a few times. I had some breakfast and just watched them with their new bundles. I felt lucky to be able to witness the interactions of this new family.

Later in the morning we were moved to seperate rooms. The guys and the babies stayed in the birth center and I was moved to a different area of the hospital (2 floors up). This gave the guys an opportunity to have private moments with Ella and Ely.

I posted on Facebook that the babies were coming and after they arrived posted that all was good but I didn't invite friends and much family to the hospital. The main reason is because I wanted this moment to be special for the guys. I know a lot of people were excited and I hope I didn't offend anyone. The only visitors were my mom, brother, mother-in-law and my son Noah.

After I was released from the hospital, Jeremy and I visited with the guys a little. At this visit, I held the babies for the first time. They were one day old. I know some people thought that to be odd. My explaination is simple. I wanted the babies to know their dads. I wanted them to take in their dads' scents, voices, etc. They had known only my scent and voice (along with my obnoxious family's) for almost 38 weeks. I felt it was important to not give the babies mixed signals and hoped that by me stepping back it would make their adjustments into their new surroundings a little easier.

After our visit, Jeremy and I left the hospital. It did not feel weird to leave without the babies. I knew they were in awesome hands and were surrounded by tons of love.

The end! Ok, a failure in the short post attempt... hope you enjoyed it though.



  1. Melissa,

    I LOVE your blog. This is awesome. You're so great at sharing your true feelings and it helps me so much to know what a surrogate goes through. I think I say this at least every other posting, but thank you for sharing.

    1. Awww... thanks! My hopes are to help others understand this process along with getting my feelings out.